Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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