pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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