Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
