I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
