i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
