Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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