i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
