a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Two words: blizzard sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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