I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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