just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
