No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
