was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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