last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
