You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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