Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
