my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
