We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
