My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
