hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
