No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
