I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
