We're like a lot better than the average bears
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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