I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
