My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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