We got so high we made milksteak
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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