Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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