I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
