1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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