I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
