I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
