I feel great
I just peed on a car
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there was a trapeze. enough said
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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