also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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