accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
