You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
