fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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