yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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