i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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