Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
where are you?
Hypothermia
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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