I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
