went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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