i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
