they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
