I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
