1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
