were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
