I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
