Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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