dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
