you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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