It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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