No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
