So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
